Christmas Shopping
by Kerru
Summary: The G-boys go Christmas shopping. Very strange, very Random. Do not read if you don't want pictures of Wufei in a fuku


The g-boys looked around the store in a wide-eyed state of horror. A realisation hit them as they saw all the decorations. It was a realisation so terrifying that it nearly caused Heero to soil himself.

Christmas was upon them.

And they hadn't gotten any presents for the others yet. 

After a few minutes standing in shock, the boys set off in teams to try and get some shopping done before the Christmas rush. 

~*~

"Injustice!" Wufei roared. "This store considers itself honourable!? This is an Injustice of the worst kind!" Quatre peered over Wufei's shoulder.

"Actually, £10.99 is a pretty good price for a CD. Especially a new release like that. You try buying it from another store and they'll charge you at least two quid more than that." Wufei snorted and placed the CD back on the stand.

"I shall never understand this currency. Why are we spending Christmas in England again?" 

"Because the author is a lazy-ass ho who can't be bothered to work out American or Japanese currency, so she's using English and working it into the plot line." Wufei looked at Quatre as though he was mad. He backed away slowly, then ran off, gibbering something about seeing cut-price Sailor Moon dolls. Quatre blinked, then shrugged and turned back to the CD rack.

~*~

Duo squinted down at the decoration he was holding in his hands.

"Dude!" He exclaimed, throwing it back on the shelf. "That angel is evil!" Trowa moved up behind him, peered at it, and nodded his agreement.

"Hm." He moved in front of it, then walked to one side, then the other. "It's watching me!" He exclaimed.

"We **_cannot_** put that on our Christmas tree. It'd give anyone who came into the room the evils! I bet it's possessed!" Trowa nodded and slowly the pair backed away from the angel, not taking their eyes off it, in case it tried to curse them when they weren't looking. An escape plan was quickly formulated. "On the count of three, we run, kay?" Duo muttered out the side of his mouth. Trowa nodded. "1…2….3! Run for it!" They charged through the aisles, not looking or particularly caring where they were gonna end up. They stopped after a few minutes and bent over trying to catch their breath. "That…was..*gasp*…a close escape." Trowa nodded and stood up, having regained his breath. His eyes…um…eye went wide. He nudged Duo.

"Um…Duo…"

"Not now! I'm busy breathing!"

"Duo….I really think you need to see this…" Duo sighed and stood up.

"This better be good, Barton…" He stopped and stared. They were surrounded by pink…and dolls wearing not a whole lot…with silicon boobs….It was hell on earth…

…The Barbie Section. 

A scream was heard around the department store. 

All the people in it paused. Silence reigned for a full three seconds before the call of Christmas shopping brought them back to life. The peril of two teenagers forgotten totally.

~*~

Heero looked around him in bewilderment. He didn't quite understood how this worked. All he could pick up was you picked up something, walked to the counter, then a freak in false antlers sang something at you, whilst you tried to look like you were enjoying it, then scarpered as soon as you handed over the money. He frowned and looked down at the basket of gifts he was holding. Finding the gifts hadn't been too difficult, it was trying to pay for them without being ambushed by the idiot dressed as a Reindeer, that was the problem. He walked around the store, trying to find a checkout that looked remotely normal. If that failed, he'd give 'em the death-glare and they'd be too scared to even ask him for money. He smirked. Being able to do the death-glare properly really helped overcome the trivial things in life. 

"Can I help you sir?" Heero jumped when he heard a voice behind him. Slowly he rotated on the spot to see every Christmas shopper's worst nightmare. Worse, even than the overloaded racks of Teletubbie dolls, which smiled evilly at you whichever way you turned. 

The Spotty Teenage Counter Assistant!

Quick as a flash, Heero whipped his gun from his spandex, causing three nearby old ladies to have heart-attacks. He pointed it at the assistant's head.

"Omae o Koruso." The teenager blinked.

"I'm sorry sir, what did you say?"

"Omae o Koruso."

"I'm afraid you'll have to speak English sir. I can't understand you."

"OMAE O KORUSO!! OMAE O KORUSO!!" 

"I can't understand you sir!" Heero yelled something that, even in a different language, caused the assistant to do something inappropriate in his trousers. Heero stepped up to the assistant, grabbed his collar and lifted him off the floor.

"Hn." He said in a menacing way. The assistant starting shaking.

"Yes sir. I understand."

"Hn."

"Of course sir! As soon as possible!"

"Hn." 

"Y-yes sir! No reindeer antlers."

"Hn." 

"And absolutely no singing! No problem sir!" Satisfied, Heero lowered the assistant to the floor and handed him his purchases. The teenager ran off, then reappeared a few seconds later, with a plastic bag, receipt and change, even though Heero hadn't handed over any money. Heero grinned evilly. He liked Christmas shopping.

~*~

Quatre looked at the shelf in front of him, a look of pure disgust on his face. 

"I can't believe they did this!" He exclaimed in outrage. 

"Did what?" Duo and Trowa appeared behind him, having escaped the horror of the Barbie section. Quatre brandished a box in front of them.

"Look! Look!"

"What!? What!?" 

"Look! Look at what they've done!"

"Q, I can't see anything other than a "My Little Pony" box!"

"Exactly!" Quatre looked at the box again. "Look at it! They've tarted the whole thing up!" Trowa and Duo raised an eyebrow.

"And you would know this because…?"

"I used to play with my sisters'." His top lip curled in distaste. "I mean look! Majesty was the queen of Ponyland! And Dream Castle was pink! Not blue!" Trowa and Duo sweatdropped.

"Um…Q? Scaring us now." 

"This is outrageous!" Quatre shrieked. "I will right this wrong! I will! I will I tell you!" Duo and Trowa each grabbed one of Quatre's arms and dragged him away from the My Little Pony Section.

"Q, have you had a lot of Caffiene today?" Duo grunted. Trowa sighed and they dragged him around the corner. They stopped dead when they saw a horrific sight.

"Wufei!?" Wufei's head snapped up.

"Maxwell!? What are you doing here!?"

"I could ask the same as you. I could also ask…Why the HELL are you dressed like Sailor Moon!?" Wufei went scarlet.

"Well…um…" Duo looked shocked. 

"Wow. Chang Wufei, lost for words." Wufei scowled at him.

"I don't have to explain myself to you!"

"Sez who?"

"Sez me!" Duo raised an eyebrow.

"I don't think you're in any condition to be arguing with me Wu." He stated, glancing at the fuku, then back at Wufei. Wufei sighed.

"Alright, alright. I got ambushed by one of the store attendants after I left Quatre. They thought I was a girl and that I worked here, so they bunged me in this dress and left me to it!" Duo tried, and failed to hold in laughter. "It's not funny Maxwell!"

"Oh, but it is!" 

"Hey, where's Quatre?" The pair looked around, and saw that Quatre and Trowa had disappeared.

~*~

Heero sipped his coffee and looked down at the newspaper he'd bought. His gaze slid down the cinema listings. He had time to kill. Might as well enjoy himself. He scanned the films that were showing and raised an eyebrow. Hm…that one looked interesting. He rolled up the paper, finished his coffee and set off towards to cinema. He stopped at the desk.

"Hn." The assistant nodded and smiled, tapping away on the freaky little tilly-computer thing.

"Yes sir. That will be £4.50 please." Heero handed over the money, took the ticket and made his way into the cinema.

~*~

Quatre's eyes sparkled and he clasped his hands in front of him.

"It's beautiful!" He sighed. The Arab turned to Trowa. "It'd look great on you!" He exclaimed, holding the item up in front of his banged friend. "It matches your eyes!" Trowa raised an eyebrow.

"Please don't be insinuating what I think your insinuating." Quatre shoved the emerald green outfit into Trowa's grasp.

"Put it on." Trowa shoved it back.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes." Quatre did the puppy-dog eyes. "Please? For me?" Trowa hesitated. He could feel his resistance crumbling.

"I…." Quatre smiled. 

"I knew you would!" He shoved Trowa into the dressing room. "Now go!" 

~*~

Duo and Wufei wandered through the crowds, keeping an eye out for their missing friends. 

"Hey Wu?"

"Fei."

"Yeah, whatever. How did the assistant get you into the Sailor Moon outfit, without realising you were a guy?" Wufei went red.

"Well…uh…I.." Duo nodded and grinned.

"Thought as much." Duo's sharp eyes spotted something in one of the shop windows. "Back in a minute!" 

"Maxwell! Wha-" But Duo was gone. Wufei sighed and made his way through the crowds to the shop where Duo had gone. As he got there, Duo emerged holding a plastic bag. "What did you buy?" Duo dug his hand into the bag and pulled out a hair band.

"Look! It jingles!" He quickly put it on the end of his braid, the proceeded to put on a Santa hat with a bell on it, and jingly earrings.

"Earrings?"

"Shuttit, Sailor Wu." 

~*~

"Trowa! Is it on?"

"Yes."

"Well come out and let me see it then!" Trowa sighed and stepped out of the changing room. Quatre squealed. "OH!!! You look so cute!!" Trowa rolled his eyes. He was wearing an emerald green gown, like stereotypical sorceresses wear. 

"Can I get back into my clothes now?"

"Don't be silly! Your clothes are in one of the bags and it would take far too long to find them now! Anyway, you needn't worry, I've already paid for the dress! You can keep it on as long as you like!" Trowa sighed. This was gonna be a r-e-a-l long day.

~*~

"Hey! There's Heero!" Duo and Wufei ran over to Heero, who was just exiting the cinema, eating popcorn. "Hey Heero! Over here!" Heero looked up at them.

"Why's Wufei wearing a fuku?"

"Don't ask. Long story. Have you seen Trowa and Quatre?"

"No. I thought they were with you."

"Duo! Heero! Wufei!" Quatre and Trowa came running over. Duo and Wufei stared at Trowa. Heero ate popcorn.

"Trowa. Why are you wearing a dress?"

"Do you like it?" Quatre asked cheerily. "I bought it for him! Doesn't he suit it?" Duo and Wufei fought to hold back laughter.

"Of course it does! You look lovely in it Tro. Absolutely stunning!" Trowa glared at him. Quatre looked at Heero.

"What film did you go see Heero?" Heero looked up from his popcorn.

"Barbie in the Nutcracker." The other four face-faulted.

"Uh….Was it any good?" Heero took another handful of popcorn.

"Relatively. The popcorn was nice." The four pilots sweatdropped.

"Uh….okay then." Duo made a fuss about looking at his watch. "Oh, would you look at the time! We really should be heading home!" Wufei jumped.

"But my clothes!"

"We'll buy you new clothes! Now come on, let's get to the car!" 

~*~

__

((Christmas Day))

"Oh, Hey Wu-"

"Fei."

"Whatever, I haven't given you your present yet!" Duo reached behind his chair and pulled out a rectangular object. He handed the present over to Wufei, who methodically began to unwrap it. Underneath the paper was a black case. Curious, Wufei opened the case slightly. He quickly slammed it shut again, blushing furiously and stood up quickly. 

"Um…*yawn* I'm tired. Going to bed, to sleep. Um…night!" He charged out the room. Quatre looked up from his 'My Little Pony' set ((the original, no less!)).

"What'd you get Wufei, Duo?" Duo grinned.

"Oh, nothing much. The Sailor Moon Dress-up kit."

"Oh." 


End file.
